So far, we’ve learnt that marriages begin with sex - that when a couple have sex God expects them to stay married for life. The Bible certainly does not teach that wedding ceremonies start marriages. In this chapter, we go back to the beginning of the Old Testament, starting half way through the book of Genesis to see how people lived this teaching.

One of the first things we cannot fail to notice is that very often, men had more than one wife! Some men are said to have ‘concubines’ also - what does this word really mean? In this chapter we’ll look at the meaning of the words ‘adultery’ and ‘concubine’.

In the first chapter of this book, we spoke of Jacob, who was tricked into marrying Leah even though he had wanted her sister, Rachel. Eventually, Jacob did in fact marry Rachel also. Jacob loved Rachel more than he loved Leah, however, Leah remained his wife. There was no divorce, the second marriage did not annul the first, and the second and subsequent marriages were not called ‘adultery’.

In the story, we read that because Leah was not loved by Jacob, the Lord opened her womb for children, and He closed the womb of Rachel. After Leah had borne Jacob four sons, Rachel was very jealous. She said to her husband:

““Here is Bilhah, my maidservant. Sleep with her so that she can bear children for me and that through her I too can build a family.” So she gave him her servant Bilhah as a wife. Jacob slept with her, and she became pregnant and bore him a son” (Gen 30:3-5 emphasis mine).

Here we see Bilhah becoming Jacob’s wife by having sex with him. And as we follow his story through Genesis, we see that each of the four women Jacob had sex with (including Bilhah), remained his wives for their entire lives. They were in no way free to have sex with other men.

Wives did not have to be those women whom a husband was ‘in love with’. Jacob loved his wife Rachel, but not his wife Leah whom he still had sex with (obviously, as they had four children). It is likely that Jacob wasn’t ‘in love with’ Bilhah either - he only married her on the request of Rachel to provide her with children.

So not only does Genesis teach that once a couple had sex they were to remain married - it is also taught that if a man was already married when he had sex with a second woman, then both women would be his wives.¹ So what then is adultery?

In Exodus 20:14, the seventh of the ten commandments God gives the people is “You shall not commit adultery.” Amazingly, less than a chapter later in 21:10, we read that if a man “...marries another woman, he must not deprive the first one of her food, clothing and marital rights.”

The reason for this is that the meaning of ‘adultery’ in the Old Testament was sex with a married woman. And a married woman is defined as a woman who has had sex with a man that is still alive. Adultery is not sex with a married man. A man can have sex with more than one virgin woman without this being considered adultery. Men only commit adultery when they have sex with a married woman (ie. one who has previously had sex with another man).²

Don’t get me wrong here - the Bible never encourages men to have sex with more than one woman - it shows rather that this practice, while undesirable, does sometimes happen. And when it does happen, ‘putting away’ (divorcing) any of these women is shown to be a far greater wrong than marrying more than one woman was in the first place. As long as the woman that the man had sex with was a virgin, it was better if she stayed his wife for the rest of her life.

The Old Testament teaches that any time a woman has sex with more than one man (while both men were living), her second and subsequent sexual relationships are adulterous. Because of this, even when a virgin woman was raped, God decreed that she would have to stay with the man who committed this crime. This was far better than the woman being left either without a husband for the rest of her life, or living in an adulterous relationship with a second husband. The Bible’s Deuteronomic law states this quite clearly:

“If a man finds a girl who is a virgin, who is not engaged,³ and seizes her and lies with her and they are discovered, then the man who lay with her shall give to the girl’s father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall become his wife because he has violated her; he cannot divorce her all his days” (Deut 22:28-29 NAS).

Here, we find no mention of whether or not the man was married before he had sex with this girl. And his punishment for raping her (see the same verse in the NIV) is only that he has to pay fifty shekels and keep her for the rest of his life!⁴

This law of marriage is supported throughout the Old Testament. We read a striking case in 2 Samuel 13. In this chapter, Amnon, a son of King David, raped his half-sister Tamar. After he raped her, he hated her, and said to her: “Get up and get out!” “No!” she said to him. “Sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me”⁵ (2 Sam 13:15-16). Tamar was supporting the law by telling Amnon that he was to keep her as his wife, regardless of the fact that they were half-siblings and that she had been raped. When Amnon refused to keep Tamar as his wife, she became a desolate, disgraced woman who was not to wear the robes of the unmarried (virgin) any longer - for in being raped, she had been married.

We can look at another example of this teaching from the book of Exodus:

“If a man seduces a virgin who is not pledged to be married and sleeps with her, he must pay the bride-price, and she shall be his wife. If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he must still pay the bride-price for virgins” (Exod 22:16-17).

In the first verse here we can see that once a man has had sex with a virgin, he must pay the bride-price and she shall be his wife. The man is obligated to take and pay for the woman, and the woman is obligated to be the man’s wife.

In the next verse, we read that if the father absolutely, utterly refuses to give his daughter away, (an understandable reaction), the man’s obligation towards the woman he has had sex with still stands. Even though they don’t live together, the woman is still the man’s wife. We see this in the fact that he is obligated to provide for the woman - he pays the bride price. He is responsible for her.

The man who had sex with the woman was forced to pay the bride price because it was most likely that no other man would ever pay it - now that the woman had had sex with another. She was no longer unmarried, and from this point on it would be adultery for another man to have sex with her.

It was highly likely that the woman in the above passage would not ever be married by another man - she had already been used - and was no longer ‘pure’. Men liked to marry virgins - and this attitude was still very common in the world as little as twenty years ago or less. One reason for this is that adultery is against God’s laws - and people used to know more clearly in their hearts what adultery was.⁶

Back in Biblical times, when there were no paternity tests, men wanted to be sure that their wives were having their children, and not the previous man’s. I think also that all people had more respect for each other and for marriage - men in general didn’t want to take another man’s wife. Yes, society is vastly different now, but can we use that excuse as our justification to commit adultery? As Christians, our standard is presented in the Bible, and although difficult at times, this is the basic ideal that we should strive to live up to.

Even if the woman in the above passage did marry another man while the first was alive, in rare cases she could be killed (as per Deut 22:22). Otherwise, she would be known as an adulteress; or a prostitute, because then two men would be obligated to provide and care (and pay) for her - she would have two husbands.

The punishment for adultery was severe, and adultery was when a woman had sex with a second or subsequent living partner, or when a man had sex with someone else’s wife. Adultery is only sex with a married woman, not a married man. Even in the New Testament, which we will look at in further chapters, this is the meaning of adultery (cf. 1 Cor 7:10-11, 39).

What about concubines then?

Concubines are often mentioned throughout the Old Testament. Concubines were servant wives who held a lower social position than the wives who were not called concubines.

Remember in Genesis 30:4, mentioned above, when Bilhah was clearly called the wife of Jacob? Just a little later in Genesis 35:22, she is called Jacob’s concubine.⁷ Bilhah was a servant-girl - therefore she was called ‘concubine,’ however, she was still also a wife of Jacob - mother of two of his sons - and part of his household for life (see also Gen 37:2).

In Judges 19, we read the story of a Levite whose concubine was murdered. In Judges 20:4 we then read: “...the Levite, the husband of the murdered woman....” Although she was called a ‘concubine’ the couple were still married to each other.

There is no difference between a wife and a concubine other than that the concubine had a lower social standing - that of a servant. Both wives and concubines were women who were attached in marriage to the man for life, and while he was alive, neither wives nor concubines were free to marry any other man.

No matter how you look at it, no matter what the social standing of the woman involved, the teaching from the Old Testament is that once a couple have had sex, they must remain married to each other for life, even if the woman is just regarded as a concubine. The ancient Scriptures teach us that women are strictly allowed only one husband (while he lives) and that men have a great responsibility to any woman they have sexual relations with (because they are married, and if they separate, the woman may commit adultery).

In 1 Kings 11:3 we see that Solomon “...had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines....” Notice here that the women called ‘wives’ were those of royal birth (a higher social standing). The concubines were still Solomon’s wives - however they were called concubines because they had a lower social status than that of the royal women Solomon married.

So Solomon had married one thousand women.... Having this many wives shows that Solomon was sexually addicted,⁸ and we can also see this through the fact that even though God forbade the Israelites from intermarrying with people of different faiths, Solomon in fact had many wives that were not Jews (1 Kings 11:1-2). This sexual addiction, and inability to refrain from having sex with women from many different faiths led Solomon (originally the wisest man of all time (1 Kings 3:12)) astray to follow other gods (cf. Deut 17:17). The Lord became extremely displeased with Solomon, raising up adversaries against him and taking the King-ship away from his family line (1 Kings 11:11-14, 23). All this occurred because he could not limit himself to wives who shared the Jewish faith.

It seems highly unlikely that while Solomon had one thousand wives, he also had had one thousand wedding ceremonies. It is more likely that he had just taken different virgins to have sex with whenever he felt like - each one becoming a wife or concubine afterwards. Many times, people will quote the part of Genesis 2:24 which says, “...a man will leave his father and mother...”, and say that this ‘leaving of parents’ indicates a wedding ceremony which they feel is necessary to a righteous marriage. However, the ‘leaving of parents’ only indicates that when a couple is married, the man rather than his (or her) parents is responsible for his wife - ie. the woman becomes a part of the family which her new husband heads.

Solomon did not of course literally leave his parents every time he acquired a new wife or concubine. However, he did become responsible for each woman, as she joined him in his household. The many wives became part of Solomon’s house, not that of his or her parents - this is what the ‘leaving of parents’ part of Gen 2:24 refers to. Even if a man does not literally ‘leave his parents,’ or have a wedding ceremony, he becomes responsible for the woman he has had sex with. The phrase refers to responsibility rather than to ceremony.

We’ve spoken in this chapter about the difference between wives and concubines, but there is one other class of wife spoken about in the Bible. That is queen.

In the book of Esther we the read the story of King Xerxes, ruler of 127 provinces from India to Sudan (Esther 1:1). This man had many wives, one of which was chosen to be queen.

At one stage, King Xerxes threw a certain party for all his noblemen and officials. The party went for seven days. On the last day, when all the men were probably quite drunk, Xerxes decided to call in his queen - the most beautiful woman of all his wives. He wanted to show her beauty off before all the men. Now the queen had been partying with all the women of the Royal Palace, and when she was requested to parade before all the men, she refused to go (Esther 1).

Xerxes was angry!

““Queen Vashti has done wrong, not only against the king but also against all the nobles and the peoples of all the provinces of King Xerxes. For the queen’s conduct will become known to all the women,⁹ and so they will despise their husbands and say, ‘King Xerxes commanded Queen Vashti to be brought before him, but she would not come.’ This very day the Persian and Median women of the nobility who have heard about the queen’s conduct will respond to all the king’s nobles in the same way. There will be no end of disrespect and discord. “Therefore, if it pleases the king, let him issue a royal decree and let it be written in the laws of Persia and Media, which cannot be repealed, that Vashti is never again to enter the presence of King Xerxes. Also let the king give her royal position to someone else who is better than she” (Esther 1:16-19).

Xerxes was angry and consulted the wisest men to decide what punishment was lawful for the crime of disobedience that Vashti committed. Interestingly, the punishment was not divorce. Vashti remained in the Palace, forever a wife of Xerxes, cared for, fed and clothed in his household.

Her punishment however, that she would never again see him, does seem amazingly harsh. However, isn’t it stranger that she was not just ‘kicked out’ of the palace? The second part of her punishment was that her royal position was given to someone else. Now comes another interesting part of the story…

“Later when the anger of King Xerxes had subsided, he remembered Vashti and what she had done and what he had decreed about her. Then the king’s personal attendants proposed, “Let a search be made for beautiful young virgins for the king. Let the king appoint commissioners in every province of his realm to bring all these beautiful girls into the harem at the citadel of Susa. Let them be placed under the care of Hegai, the king’s eunuch, who is in charge of the women; and let beauty treatments be given to them. Then let the girl who pleases the king be queen instead of Vashti.” This advice appealed to the king, and he followed it… And this is how she would go to the king: Anything she wanted was given her to take with her from the harem to the king’s palace. In the evening she would go there and in the morning return to another part of the harem to the care of Shaashgaz, the king’s eunuch who was in charge of the concubines. She would not return to the king unless he was pleased with her and summoned her by name. When the turn came for Esther (the girl Mordecai had adopted, the daughter of his uncle Abihail) to go to the king, she asked for nothing other than what Hegai, the king’s eunuch who was in charge of the harem, suggested. And Esther won the favor of everyone who saw her. She was taken to King Xerxes in the royal residence in the tenth month, the month of Tebeth, in the seventh year of his reign. Now the king was attracted to Esther more than to any of the other women, and she won his favor and approval more than any of the other virgins. So he set a royal crown on her head and made her queen instead of Vashti. And the king gave a great banquet, Esther’s banquet, for all his nobles and officials. He proclaimed a holiday throughout the provinces and distributed gifts with royal liberality” (Esther 2:1-4, 13-18 emphasis mine).

The king waited in his palace, and whenever he requested, a new virgin would come to his bed. He would have sex with each virgin, who then remained his wife/concubine. Each of these women, after meeting with the king, would move into another part of the harem; the place reserved for those whom were already married to the king. Then these concubines would not return to the king unless summoned by name. So the punishment of the first queen, Vashti, was only that which regularly happened to many of Xerxes’ other wives.

Esther was one of many virgins who married the king. However, we read that he was more highly attracted to her than to any of the other women, and he decided to make her queen. After he had married her and made her queen, he gave a great banquet. This was a celebration for the king finding a queen, it was the king and Esther’s wedding; a celebration of their marriage. So Esther and the king had their wedding celebrations after they had had sex with each other.

This story not only illustrates that there was different classes of wives in Old Testament times, but also that when a man has sex, he must keep the woman as his wife, in his own household. He must continue to provide for her. Therefore, every woman a man has sex with must be a virgin. It also shows us again that weddings were celebrations of marriage, and not marriage in and of themselves.

“It is our opinion that the rising problem of divorce and remarriage among evangelical Christians today is largely the result of misinformed counsel that arises out of an inadequate exegesis of the biblical data.”¹⁰

There is a rising problem out there in the world - and also within the Christian church! Due to inadequate biblical knowledge about sex and marriage, people are sinning, and this sin is bringing destruction and pain into their lives...

“My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge… Because you have forgotten the law of your God, I also will forget your children.” (Hosea 4:6 NKJ)

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Thank you for your interest in this book, and God bless you!

Copyright 2000 Monicque Sharman


 
 
 

Scripture in the book is taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION.  Copyright 1973,
1978, 1984 by International Bible Society.  Used by permission of Hodder & Stoughton Ltd.  All rights reserved.

FOOTNOTES:
1 Perhaps this is a bit of a punishment! A man who had sex with more than one woman was burdened with all of them for life as his wives! Remember that in Old Testament times there was no social security, no reliable birth control and little earning capacity for women. Return
2 The New Strongs Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible (Thomas Nelson Publishers 1990) defines the Old Testament word for adultery - na’aph as a primitive root; to commit adultery; figuratively, to apostatize. The KJVtranslates it adulterer (-ess), commit (-ing) adultery, woman that breaketh wedlock. Return
3 We will speak of engaged women in a later chapter. Return
4 Of course this sounds very unfair towards the innocent woman, and I am not suggesting that we should follow this course of action today. Rather, I am highlighting that this is a teaching from the Old Testament. We will speak of rape and incest more fully as the book progresses. Return
5 The ‘wrong’ was marrying a half sister - this is prohibited in Lev 18:9,11 as well as marrying her without consent. Return
6 And people still know this in their hearts - look amongst teenagers (if they will let you!) Basically, what you will most likely see is that teenage girls will admit a sense of unfairness - that their male peers can freely speak of their sexual exploits without being branded a ‘slut’ or looked down upon - which is what happens to the females… Males who ‘play around’ are looked up to, whereas the females who do the same things are recipients of scorn. (cf. Rom 2:15) Return
7 Strongs Concordance tells us that the word ‘concubine’ is in Hebrew ‘piylegesh’. It is a word of uncertain derivation meaning a concubine; also (masculine) a paramour. In the KJV it is translated concubine in all but one instance - it translated ‘paramour’ once, in Eze 23:20. Return
8 Dr Ed Murphy agrees with this in “The Handbook for Spiritual Warfare” 1996 Thomas Nelson Publishers Tennessee, on page 222. Return
9 This word ‘woman’ is translated from the Hebrew word for wife or woman “ishshah”. So it was being said that Vashti would be a bad example to all the wives. Return
10 Heth, William A. and Wenham, Gordon J. “Jesus and Divorce: Towards an Evangelical Understanding of New Testament teaching” 1984 Hodder & Stoughton, p. 17 Return

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