|
The Bible, Sex, And This
Generation
Chapter Five
ADULTERY - SEX WITH A MARRIED WOMAN
So, if each woman that a man had sex with became his wife, what of those women who had been married before (ie. were committing adultery)?
In the covenantal terms that God has set for marriage, He decreed that with sex, a couple becomes one - even in the case of adultery....
Jesus said:
“Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery” (Mark 10:11-12 emphasis mine).
Can you see here that adultery is actually called ‘marriage’ by Jesus?
In Matthew’s gospel Jesus says:
“...Anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery” (Matt 19:9).
Here we see that marriage can be called adultery.1 So it is true that not every ‘marriage’ is righteous.
Because every act of sex is also a joining of two persons into one and is the blood sacrifice of a marriage covenant, any act of sex can be called a ‘marriage’.2 Although no marriages are ever ‘perfect,’ some marriages are righteous, whereas others are not. Adultery is an imperfect, or unrighteous marriage - a violation of the previous marriage covenant.
So, does this mean that God views all sexual relationships as marriages? The answer of course depends on what the definition of marriage is. I believe the Bible teaches that sex brings a lifelong bond called marriage. Sex causes partners to be bound to one another for life. So yes, any sexual relationship can be called a marriage, either wrongful or righteous marriage, but marriage all the same.
When a person in our modern society hears the word ‘adultery’ they imagine this to refer to ‘sex with a married person’. And when we read the word ‘adultery’ in the Bible, we also give it the same meaning. However, in the Bible, this sex is called ‘marries’. Some marriages are adulterous!
“...And anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery” (Matt 5:32b).3
“…And the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (Luke 16:18b).
A divorced woman (one who has previously had sex,) is said to be committing adultery when she remarries. This is because she is still ‘married’ to her original sexual partner. Just as our relationship with God can be defiled, changed and violated, but never broken, adultery defiles, changes and violates an earlier marriage relationship. However, it doesn’t break it. The woman who has sex with any man other than her first husband sins, along with this second man she is having sex with.4
This teaching is widely accepted among Bible scholars. Heth & Wenham quote and agree with Dupont’s statement: “This woman whom a divorce has liberated is not free... In speaking as he does, Jesus makes his hearers realize that divorce has no effect on the marriage bond; although separated, the spouses remain united by the marriage. That is why a new marriage would be adultery.”5
In Romans 7:2 this is again made clear: “...by law6 a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage....” Only death releases a person from marriage; not divorce or adultery. The next verse says: “...if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law....” Apart from us seeing here that neither divorce nor adultery breaks a marriage, and that physical death is the only release,7 we also see again that adultery is a marriage in itself. Adultery occurs when a woman has sex with another man while her first husband is still alive.
So, while married men could have sex with other virgin women, women were forbidden this concession. They could not have sex with more than one living male. If they did, then they and the man they had sex with would be committing adultery.
But what occurred - on the practical level - when this happened? In 2 Sam 15-20 we see an example of ten married women being seduced and committing adultery with another man - the results are interesting. In these chapters, we read that King David, upon embarking on a trip, left ten of his concubines to take care of his palace. While he was gone, his son Absalom (who wanted desperately to overthrow his father’s kingship and become king himself) decided to have sex with all of his fathers ten concubines that were left at the palace (2 Sam 16:22).8
Between this evil and the return of King David to his palace, Absalom is killed (2 Sam 18:15). When King David returned to his palace, he took the ten concubines and put them in a house under guard. He provided for them, but did not ever have sexual relations with them again. They were kept in confinement till the day of their death, living as widows (2 Sam 20:3).
In committing adultery, they had entered into unrighteous marriages. The concubines then lived as widows... Because Absalom their husband had died!
King David had also remained a husband to these women by continuing to provide for them for the rest of their days. However, their marriages to King David had been violated, defiled, and were changed.
It may seem a bit unfair that David was able to righteously marry and keep many women, but that these concubines were not able to do the same. But let’s stop for a minute and compare these human relationships to our relationship with God.9
While God can righteously marry and keep all of us, we can never be married to any other god, or to two gods at the same time (cf. Matt 6:24). There is only one true God, and He is God and creator of us all (John 17:3, Isa 40:28). (One God, many people, compare this with one husband, many wives).
God is our first love (Rev 2:4).... He is the first husband of His people - their creator God. And just as King David provided for his wives who had been seduced and defiled by another husband, God will continue to provide for us for all of our days, whether we break faith with Him or not. If we break faith with God - rejecting him or marrying or following after other gods - even if we are seduced and go with another god, then our relationship with the only true God is still there. God still fulfills His marital obligation to us, providing for us and caring for us.
King David’s relationship with his ten concubines was never fully restored. However, God desires His relationship with His adulterous wife to be restored. God desires His people who have broken faith with Him to repent and turn back and to re-enter into relationship with Him again. The book of Hosea teaches this well. In it, we see God lavishing blessings on Israel, even though she continues to choose to run off with other gods, refusing to repent. If only Israel repented and returned to Him, God would allow total forgiveness, healing and restoration.
The marriage relationship between God and His people always stands - even through idolatry/adultery. Restoration is always sought, and forgiveness is always offered - God continues to wait for each one of us to return to Him.
So, could King David have forgiven those ten concubines and re-entered into relationship with them? Or should they have been killed as adulterers? Let’s quickly look at Deuteronomy 24:1-4 before answering these questions. In this passage, we read of a slightly different situation in which a woman has sex with more than one man.
“If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled.”
In King David’s situation, he had not sent the ten concubines away (divorced them). If he had of sent them away - divorced them - before they had sex with Absalom, then, according to this passage, David would not have been allowed to have sex with them again.
Let’s say for instance, that David had sent the ten women away (divorced them). Many of these women would have eventually married other men, becoming adulteresses. The Bible teaches that this would have been the fault of David (cf. Matt 5:32).10 Let’s say then, that the second husbands had found these women to be unsuitable wives, and that they then sent them back to David. If David had then resumed sexual relations with the women again - he would have caused the adultery for nothing. He may as well have never sent them away in the first place, nor caused them and other men to commit adultery.
However, David had not divorced his concubines when they had sex with another man, therefore Deut 24:1-4 did not prohibit him from re-entering into sexual relationships with them.
So, to repeat our first question: Could King David have forgiven those ten concubines and re-entered into relationship with them? I believe that although he chose not to, he would certainly have been allowed to do this - but, only if they repented.
Just as the man takes responsibility for all women he has sex with, so must women take some responsibility for all men that they have sex with (excepting the circumstance of rape). When the Bible tells the story of Absalom having sex with these concubines, we do not get the impression that they were raped. In fact, we get the impression that they consented. Was Absalom entirely to blame? I think that these women needed to take some of the responsibility for what happened. And, if they did this, and repented of their sin, then I believe that they could have re-entered into relationship with their original husband - King David.
This was the case with Hosea who did forgive his adulterous wife and continue sexual relations with her (Hosea 3). Hosea’s wife had not been ‘put away’ (divorced) by Hosea. She went out from a loving husband and committed adultery with other men - yet Hosea was to take her back when she repented and returned to him. This was to be an example of how the Lord would take back Israel, his idolatrous wife. Hosea’s wife ended up in a restored marriage with Hosea (Hosea 3:3).
Now, neither Hosea’s wife, nor these ten concubines were stoned to death for adultery. They were given time to repent. Should they have been stoned as per Deut 22:22?
This issue is important to address here, as there are many out there in the world today, whom, like Derek Prince believe that “imposing the death penalty on either party if guilty of adultery, automatically released the innocent party to remarry.”11 Some people whose partners have committed adultery against them believe that they are free to remarry, as they believe their first partner should be dead.
Unfortunately, I cannot personally agree that this is what the Bible really teaches, and as we go on through the chapters of this book, especially looking at those ‘stuck’ in abusive relationships, this point will be expanded upon. But briefly, for the time being, I must say that death is the end result of adultery just as death was the end result of Adam biting the forbidden fruit.12 However, death does not always come immediately. God did not create us to die, He gives us time to repent and receive the forgiveness He offers.
King David did not immediately have his adulterous concubines killed, neither was Hosea’s adulterous wife killed. Even Jesus did not condemn the woman caught in adultery (John 8:1-11). As I believe that David did the right thing in continuing to provide for the adulterous concubines, and giving them time to repent, we also should do the same. We need not focus on killing the adulterous people that we know, or view them as dead. Rather, what we can focus on is the forgiveness of God that can stop this adulterous cycle in its tracks. Our purpose as Christians is to bring others to a saving knowledge of Jesus, not to kill them for their sins, or give them up as hopeless and dead, rejecting them, telling them our love for them was conditional, and has now ended. Remember, this person has been a part of us (cf. 1 Cor 7:4). Although very difficult, I believe that God wishes us to continue loving our sinful partners as He does; praying that they realize that what they have done will eventually bring them true death, and praying that they come to know the forgiveness that God offers - if only they truly repent.
We were not immediately killed for the many sins that we have committed in the past. Neither would many of us kill our own children for disobedience to us. We discipline our children when they are disobedient, as we know that their wrong actions will harm them. We also know that adultery will harm the person that does it - unrepentant adulterers will die. But to those who repent, adultery (like any transgression) is forgivable. So, how can we immediately kill this person, if only in our minds? I believe that rather than giving us excuse to get out the virtual shotgun, the laws in Deut 22:22 and Ex 20:14 are there to show us that adultery is a grave sin - like many others. It’s as bad as murder. It will bring death, eventually. Rom 3:20b states that “…through the law we become conscious of sin.” The laws against adultery tell us that it is sin, and show us the penalty we deserve for that sin. Yet, the same Bible also tells us that that sin is forgivable.
In conclusion, I believe that while your adulterous partner is still alive, you cannot just view them as dead, and choose to remarry. Many people around us are spiritually dead, and deserving of death, however, we don’t just wipe them off in our minds - pretending that they don’t exist. No, we continue to pray for their salvation; that they will learn of their sin and repent! While any adulterous person is still physically alive I believe that restoration of the first marriage is desirable, and also that adultery does not break the first relationship.13
When a woman repents of adultery, she should go back to her first husband. When a man repents of adultery, he allows and encourages the woman to go back to her first husband (cf. Gen 20:1-7, 2 Sam 3:13-16, 1 Sam 19:11). When one or other partner has sex with another person, the first marriage is not broken. David’s marriages to the ten adulterous concubines still stood. Hosea remained married to his adulterous wife. And God remains married to His adulterous people, and will forgive them for their idolatry if only they will repent. Repentance means restoration of the first marriage that was not broken by adultery or idolatry.
“Hey! But what about forgiveness, new lives or even Matt 5:32 and 19:9!” I hear your objections, and these will be addressed. Forgiveness and new lives are possible, God can release people from any bondage. In later chapters, we will look at these issues in detail.
Sex is an act linked with a much greater responsibility than what many in this generation tend to think - it really does bind people together - spiritually as well as physically. Women especially should not become bound in this way to more than one man, and men need to respect this when they have sex with a woman.
If you still doubt this at all, then please note that very often we can even actually see this sexual bonding - especially in cases of rape. The victim is often bound by painful memories, feelings of anger, frustration and deep pain. And this binding unfortunately lasts until the victim goes through the difficult process of forgiveness and asking the Lord to sever the unrighteous bonding that has occurred in their life.
Other cases where this bonding is easily seen is in separated couples who have had a child together. Often these people remain angry with each other for many years, and remain bound together financially and/or legally - often at least until the child is eighteen years of age.
And even in cases where there has been no rape or children conceived, people are still bound - manifesting perhaps in memories of past lovers, comparisons between former and present lovers, fantasies of past experiences, mistrust of the current spouse, jealousy, unforgiveness or desire towards former lovers, or in many other ways.
What I am getting at here is that having sex with another person doesn’t change the sexual relationships we have had in the past. Adultery does not un-do what has already happened. If it did, then entering into a sexual relationship would heal victims of rape, and men whose wives have left them for another could find a pain-free future in the arms of a new partner. We know that these things don’t happen. Another person cannot make us forget.
Of course, we may not have meant to become bound. We may not have wanted to have sex with the person we did. Nevertheless, we are bound by the sexual partners we have had, and not even adultery or divorce can break this. I know that to many, and even myself, this sentence is very difficult to hear. This book did not come out of a vacuum of sexual experience, I myself have been in these situations. But please hear me out - at the present stage of this book I am speaking of the ideal in a very less than ideal world.
The law that at times may sound restrictive or harsh was made for our benefit (Mark 2:27-28). It’s important that we know God’s laws so that we can know where we went wrong, we can start over and we can know the best actions for the future. No matter what your past has been remember that God loves and knows you. His teachings may be difficult to follow, however He will help you follow them.
1 Cor 6:9-11 says: “Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders... will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” Sexual sins are just as forgivable as any other, and righteousness in the sexual area of our lives is just as attainable as righteousness in any other area.
In this generation, it is not uncommon for people to have had well over ten different sexual partners by the age of twenty. Many, many people coming to Christ and joining churches are coming with histories full of sexual sin - and with lives filled with sexual problems (you are not alone!) These problems can be dealt with, and with God’s help, anyone can translate His teachings into their lives. However, we need to know exactly what these sexual teachings and problems are before we attempt to rush in and do this.
Remember that misunderstanding the exact nature of sex can sometimes cause people either to repent for the wrong thing, or, through naiveté to actually do what is wrong in the future. Let’s learn the truth about these sins, for Jesus said, “...the truth will set you free” (John 8:32). Learning the truth will lead us to getting our lives right, it will allow us to repent and will guide us in the future choices we will make.
If a man is found sleeping with another man’s wife, both the man who slept with her and the woman must die. (Deut 22:22)
Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? So is he who sleeps with another man’s wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished. (Prov 6:28-29)
In the light of what we have learnt so far - that a marriage is started with sex - these verses aren’t very pleasant to many… Do they call you to repent? Have you ever had sex with a woman who was not a virgin? Have you ever had sex with more than one living male?
|
Please download an unregistered copy of this ebook totally free. This unregistered version of the ebook has the first five chapters unlocked for your viewing. After reading the first five chapters, you may choose to register and receive the full ebook! This costs only $7.00 via secure server! Alternatively, you may begin viewing the ebook online at the first chapter by clicking here! |
For information on purchasing The Bible, Sex, and this Generation in either soft or hard cover: |
Thank you for your interest in this book, and God bless you!
|
Scripture in the book is taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. Copyright 1973,
1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Hodder & Stoughton Ltd. All rights reserved.
FOOTNOTES:
1 John Stott agrees and states, “Jesus called remarriage after divorce ‘adultery’” on p. 293 of “Issues facing Christians today” Marshall Pickering 1990Return
2 The word ‘marry’ can also be used of any close joining. For example, in woodworking when two pieces of wood are glued firmly together, they are sometimes called ‘married’.Return
3 Of course no book on the biblical views of sex and marriage would be complete without a detailed look into the words “except for marital unfaithfulness” which appear just prior to the words quoted here in Matt 5:32, and repeated in Matt 19:9. Accordingly, we certainly will not neglect these important words - most of Chapter 8 will deal extensively with them.Return
4 I am referring here to women who consent to the sex that they are indulging in. I am NOT referring to people who are victims of rape and incest. These issues will be covered later in the book.Return
5 Heth, William A. and Wenham, Gordon J. “Jesus and Divorce: Towards an Evangelical Understanding of New Testament teaching” 1984 Hodder & Stoughton quote on p. 48 Dupont, J. “Mariage et divorce dans l’evangile: Matthieu 19, 3-12 et paralleles” (Bruges: Desclee, 1959) p. 55Return
6 If you look into the context of this verse, you will see that this ‘law’ referred to here is Gods law, not mans.Return
7 I believe that this passage refers to physical rather than spiritual death as we can not judge when a person is spiritually dead, and even if they were, and we could judge them as such, repentance can and should always be sought - to bring them to spiritual life! Please remember also as you ponder this teaching, that adultery is sex with a married woman, not sex with a married man.Return
8 This was actually prophesied in 2 Sam 12:11-12, and happened because of David’s sin in committing adultery with Bathsheba and murdering her husband Uriah. Note also in 2 Sam 12:11 that David’s concubines are called ‘wives’.Return
9 We see this done many times in the Bible, including Eph 5:25-33, Rev 21:9.Return
10 We will expand greatly upon this as the book progresses, but basically, if you look at Matt 5:32 without the ‘exception clause’ you read “Anyone who divorces his wife… causes her to become an adulteress…”Return
11 Prince, Derek, “God is a matchmaker”, Copyright The Zondervan Corporation 1986, published by Bookprint Creative Services for Kingsway Publications, UKReturn
12 God told Adam that he would surely die if he ate the forbidden fruit in the garden of Eden. However, when Adam actually did eat of the fruit, he did not - in the physical sense - die immediately. (Gen 2:16-17, 3:6-7)Return
13 In any case, as adultery is ‘sex with a married woman’, a married man taking another virgin wife is not grounds for his death.Return
